‘How do you keep your teeth so green
Whilst mine remain quite white?
Although I rub them vigorously
With cold slime every night.

‘Your eyes are such a lovely shade
Of bloodshot, streaked with puce.
I prod mine daily with a stick
But it isn't any use.

‘I envy so, the spots and boils
That brighten your complexion
Even rat spit on my face
Left no trace of infection.

‘I've even failed to have bad breath
After eating sewage raw,
Yet your halitosis
Can strip paint from a door.’

‘My dear, there is no secret,
Now I don't mean to brag.
What you see is nature's work,
I'm just a natural hag.’